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How much time am I willing to give myself to feel more like myself?

How do we hear ourselves in the depth of fear, insecurity, change and helplessness? The short answer, we find ourselves again.

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Change is hard. It sucks. It’s uncomfortable and unbelievably scary and every day you just want to curl up back in your safe space so that the world doesn’t feel so scary anymore. I get it. I am moving through a season of change right now that feels like too much for me. I recently graduated, I got a new job with tons of responsibility, on top of that I am trying to figure out how to freelance to continue my love for the arts, I recently went through a pretty rough breakup and for the cherry on top, I just got a puppy. I feel like all these walls I’ve so meticulously built up over the years to keep me safe have all crumpled down around me at once and I am exposed and vulnerable. Now that was pretty hectic and although you might not be experiencing exactly the same thing as me, I can guarantee you that at some point, you’ve dealt with or are going to deal with change in some way shape or form and it's scary.

Now writing this from a place of frustration with change is hard because I too want to be comfortable again. I too would like to dust off my hands and go, “great, that’s me folks, I’m done.” Yet there is something within me that holds me here in this space of discomfort. It holds me true to my choices and my change and it whispers to me,

"There is a plan for you, change is necessary for growth.”

Now that voice can be a lot of things. For me it’s a mixture of my being, my faith and my knowledge. For this chat I want to focus on the being aspect. How do we hear ourselves in the depth of fear, insecurity, change and helplessness? The short answer, we find ourselves again.

What I’ve found in this season is the first thing out the window was caring for myself. So much responsibility, so much change meant adios to Bianca and hello to people pleasing, anxiety, and grabbing onto ANYTHING that bought me affirmation. And the reality is, the only person that can get me out of this season is me, nobody can get me there but myself. And coming back to myself and caring for myself once again was the key. It kind of reminds me of any emergency situation in primary school. You’ve practiced the procedure, you know where to go, yet as soon as that bell goes off, all hell breaks loose, and you can’t even see the exit anymore because it’s so chaotic. Well, take this as your kind reminder to breath and remember, you know the way out.

Oprah has this great line that I really adore before her, ’Super Soul Conversations’ podcast, she says,

“One of the most valuable gifts you can give yourself is time. Taking time to be more fully present.”

Ask yourself, how much time am I willing to give myself to feel more like myself? I had to ask myself this question because I became caught up in indulging in the discomfort of how I felt when I knew a way out. Let’s chat more practically about that way out.

Ask yourself some of these questions:

  1. What are some things I did prior to this season that helped you feel most authentic, most grounded and most in tune with yourself? Can I bring some of those into this new season? Even if it means adjusting them slightly.

  2. What are some of my core values? They could be things like, family, friends, faith, work.. the list goes on. How can I reconnect with those values again?

  3. What brings me joy? Make a list, make them realistic and practical in this season and tick them off when you actively seek them out.

  4. Becoming grateful. Another podcast I would highly recommend is, Oprah's Super Soul conversation on gratefulness. It talks about how if we can open our hearts to radicle gratefulness our minds will follow suit. Start small, start with 5 small ones daily, it can be as simple as, “I am grateful for this coffee.”

  5. Last question. What am I learning from this season? This I stole straight out of my life coaching. It kind of hops off of the previous point of gratefulness but once we become aware of what we’re learning about ourselves during this time we can become more grateful for the journey we’re on.

Now I know it’s like, I am so tired I can barely get out of bed let alone do 5 more steps in my day. I get it. And it’s okay to feel all of your feelings. But also continue to ask yourself that important question. How much time am I willing to give myself to feel more like myself? Adapt them, change them, add to them, figure out what works for you. Change is hard and you’re definitely not alone. All I can say is, you can do this! You are capable of finding yourself once more. And lastly, a personal favourite, Everything you need is already within you, you just need to learn how to access it. We’ve got this!


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